My Five Sons

Blending two families was a new concept for me last year when I first began talking to Reva. My three biological sons, David, Charlie, and Nik, who I love with all my heart, had already been in my life since I watched them come into existence. I was already a dad but had done a somewhat lousy job as a father. I was there for the talks, the game playing, and the joking around with the kids, but never consistently did the adult take care of and be responsible for duties. When it came time for doctor visits, school activities, and things like that, I'd usually let those tasks fall to their mother and disappear into the background. I didn't always do this by choice, but somewhere along the line, it felt like their mother and the in-laws had decided my opinion wasn't necessary when raising the children. Rather than butt heads with anyone, I settled in, went with the flow, and took a backseat role.

Starting a relationship with someone who already had children was a scary concept. What if the kids didn't like me? What would my role be when it came to discipline? What would they call me? How would it all work? Until I met the children, these and millions of other questions floated inside my head. I had been a dad before, but what was the difference between dad and stepdad? What did it mean to be a stepchild? More importantly, would I have the bond that comes from being there for them and raising them? When we first began to blend into one family, we had our struggles. I heard the dreaded "you're not my father" statement several times along the way as new boundaries, chores, and rules were set, rebelled against, and tested.

The kids took to me almost immediately when they discovered that I'm a big kid myself and like to play and have fun with them. It turns out that I had no reason to worry. They say "like father like son." but what about "like stepfather like stepson"? Since Reva and I began dating, I've been amazed at just how much the kids remind me of myself when I was younger. We've even joked that I somehow must have snuck into her room and fathered them without her knowing. I'm not stepdad I'm just usually D.J. and sometimes dad but, I'm always here if any of my five sons need me. So what is the difference between dad and stepdad? It turns out the answer to that question is there isn't one.